I’m going to be completely honest here.

I used to judge other people who stood up for themselves, said ‘No’ to things, and canceled plans because they needed time for themselves. 

I used to judge, judge, judge.

And I didn’t even think that was bad. I knew, without a doubt, that I was never going to be like those people. I couldn’t even imagine a world where you didn’t put your loved ones before yourself – in any situation (even if it was one-sided).

And then I got the rug pulled right from underneath me and in an instant – I was blindsided, facing divorce, and a whole lot of  betrayal I couldn’t even fathom.

After the shock wore off a few months later, I finally saw that I was judging those people because I was SO jealous of them. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to stand up for myself and believe I was worthy of it.

For YEARS, I had been living for…someone else. I tried to be someone they would love. I tried not to make them angry. I tried to make them happy. I tried everything and anything except believing in myself – or even being myself at times.

I fully believe life pushes you in the direction you’re supposed to go when you just can’t do it on your own. At first it’s not going to make any sense.

But soon, the pieces will fit together. Just like the most difficult puzzle, it takes time and you really can’t rush it. 

I believe in marriage, but not the way I experienced it. I lost myself, or any semblance of who I was in that relationship. I thought the way to make it succeed and last was just to do exactly what he wanted – forget about me! As long as he seemed happy, then I would be happy!

I see now that the MOST important relationship you’ll ever have is with YOURSELF.

I had heard that advice thrown around a lot before actually – I just never knew how I was going to get there. It seemed like a steep mountain to climb – alone, and scared, and tired, and hurt, and angry, and lost.

But you gotta start somewhere. 

So little by little, I climbed. I said ‘No’ to things that did not serve me. I started to realize I didn’t have to eat somewhere I didn’t want to. I started to believe that if I didn’t always show up, that I would not be forgotten, and that it didn’t make me a bad person.

In fact – it made me a BETTER person.

Here’s what helped me get back to me:

1. I spent time alone. You start to really enjoy the fact that YOU get to choose exactly what you want to do, eat, listen to, and spend time on. You get to know yourself.

2. I had faith – on the darkest days. I cried and sobbed, but I kept going. I believed: What is for you will not pass by you. Whether you’re religious or not, spiritual or not, you can practice this. You don’t have to make this religious. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and having faith will allow you to calm your mind and ease your soul. It centers me, grounds me, and allows me to keep going.

3. I kept my promises to myself. If you don’t, why should anyone else? I wanted to be honest, so I started to live honestly, even if it stung.

4. I did things that made me happy. Do something you love. Massage; Acupuncture; Spa Day; Quiet time reading; Movies; Netflix; A day away from technology! I have no issues with self-care 🙂

5. I leaned on others. Spend time alone BUT don’t do this alone. Talking about what’s on your mind can literally squash any silly or negative thinking to the core. Talking it out will do just that. Therapy is so important to me, but just having a friend you can speak honestly with, can be so freeing. In the beginning, my parents were a huge support system and we had a check-in call every night. I know it can be such a vulnerable thing, but that’s the point. 

Be yourself. For yourself. 

Can you relate?

Have you ever lost yourself? Found yourself again? Feeling lost now?

I’d love to hear from you! My intention is for this to be a place of support and community – so, please do share if you feel comfortable. Or send me an email, message, or note – I’d love to help you see how important you are! Believe me, you’re worth it.

xo,

Lindsay