I’ve battled the negative voices in my head for as long as I can remember.

I started to go to therapy when I was about 14.

I went to my Dr. because I was having trouble taking a true, real, deep breath.

Little did I understand that it was anxiety.

Still happens sometimes.

She referred me to my first therapist who I fell in love with. I trekked over an hour on a NYC bus 2x a week to see her because I felt like it was the only 2 hours of my week where I could actually be heard.

I tried Zoloft on and off and just felt worse.

Fitness became my outlet – Even just walking the NYC streets aimlessly.

My first year of college was rough. It was the year of 9/11 and the Pentagon attack. I was in DC and also from NYC.

I think it may have derailed me more than I knew.

That first year was so amazing yet so challenging.

The night before a big final paper was due at the end of my freshman year, I found myself sitting on the ledge of a roof on campus wondering if life would be better without me in it.

But, I shut out the voices somehow and knew I just couldn’t do that to my friends, boyfriend, or family.

I failed that class.

Nothing has EVER been easy, for me.

Almost 2 years ago, my life shattered to pieces when I was blindsided with divorce at the age of 33.

I lost 3 pregnancies.

Years of cheating and lies slowly unfolded.

I was “diagnosed” with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depressed mood, for insurance purposes.

Something in me just told me to keep going. He’s not going to win.

Keep swimming.

So I did, with the help of a new amazing therapist and fitness, my longtime savior.

This is just a small piece of my story I felt like I wanted to share.

Lately, I actually haven’t felt my best. Don’t get me wrong – I have a much better handle on my mental strength and moods these days.

But, it’s just easy to get lost in my head. And I know I’m not alone in that. However, I FIGHT it. There’s no other way. No other option.

My hope in sharing is to say that it’s worth fighting these feelings and negative thoughts.

ALL STORMS PASS. (Thanks for the inspiration! via Liver Rescue by Medical Medium Anthony William)

Life presents us with these challenges for a reason.

I know it’s not always apparent right away, but it will be.

One day you will move that mountain and show others it can be done and you’ll get it.

Because life is tough and challenging and fucking ridiculous sometimes but so are you.

So ride it out.

Weather the storm.

Hold on tight.

Lean on others.

Just keep going.

Just keep fucking going.

xo,

Lindsay