Growing up, I was never fully confident in my skin.
Before I had the curly hair that you see today, I had stick straight baby blonde hair that decided to change to pure frizz for a good 3-4 years.
I had a sweet, little voice from the beginning and wanted to do no wrong. I was naturally shy and a people-pleaser but never at the top of my class.
My actions made it seem so though.
I remember friends thinking I was such a good student.
But, it was all just a show – sort of a barrier I put up so I was associated with being ‘good’ and not called out on for being bad.
That way I could hide.
Hide from attention.
Hide from dealing with things.
Hide from myself.
The truth is, none of it came easily to me.
Life – that is.
It was all tough.
But even from a young age, I had this feeling – a feeling that I was destined for something great, something bigger.
Corny, I know…
But I was a dreamer.
I decorated my childhood bedroom ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stars shaped to spell: “Dream Big”. I’d lie awake in bed at night crafting some sort of plans; I didn’t know what it was, how it was going to come about, or where to look, but I just felt that something bigger was waiting.
Fast-forward a few years: I moved back in with my parents after college.
I was burnt out after graduation. Messed up plans along with my own fear of the unknown shattered any and all confidence I had gained the previous years while alone and on my own at college.
Oh and Hey, rent was steep in New York City – or so was the story I told myself (and others).
What followed were moments of isolation, sadness and desperation.
I had some savings and debated back-packing abroad, escaping on a life-changing diving adventure in Roatan, Honduras and forking over a large chunk of cash on a surfing retreat in Hawaii.
None of them happened.
They were all really wonderful things but just momentary escapes that I just simply never took action on because it didn’t seem like me.
Instead I immersed myself in dieting and exercise.
Some of it good, but most of it obsessive.
I have and will always be interested in healthy living, but at this low time, obsessive behavior took hold and it magnified tenfold.
I found myself treading water in my own eating disorders.
Soon, my interest and natural penchant for nutrition, wellness and fitness spiraled out of control and I experienced bouts of bingeing and purging, obsessive calorie-counting, alienating others because of my lack of self-esteem and racking up more credit-card debt than I care to remember.
When food was no longer my reward or escape, I gravitated towards “things” to fill the void.
Tears still flow down my face as I revisit this painful time.
My weight yo-yoed while my confidence remained low.
My feeling of being destined for greatness was especially lost during these times.
I really, TRULY, wanted to do, be and have some part in the health and wellness industry but I just couldn’t grasp onto anything that made sense to me.
I desperately wanted to help others but knew I had to help myself first.
That journey literally began as soon as I made a choice to become a health coach.
Soon after this, I was introduced to a way to fulfill all these things that I wanted by starting my own wellness business. You know the saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”?
The Universe and the stars had certainly aligned.
Because of this, many wonderful and amazing things happened.
BEST of all, I let go of 15 years of rollercoaster yo-yo weight loss/gain cycles.
I found a way to live my life around my passions and my thoughts, instead of around food.
The freedom this has brought me is inexplicable.
If you’re looking for a way, too, know that I can help.
Give yourself a gift this holiday season, and get back to YOU.
Food freedom is waiting for you.
Wishing you freedom, hope, and happiness,